escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We are two peas in an std pod
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
