Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
