Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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