I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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