I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
