I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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