you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
