Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
