i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
