we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
