I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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