A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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