I faked an abortion last night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
