True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
