I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
