Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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