Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
