Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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