The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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