i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
