I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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