I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
