Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
