I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
