exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
