woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
