Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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