I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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