i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
