I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
