a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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