That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
