It was confusing and full of hummus
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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