All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
