She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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