please come you make the beer taste better
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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