he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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