I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
