my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
