I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
