yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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