i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
