She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
