This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
