The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you win again, gameday.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
