he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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