Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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