have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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