As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
