Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
