Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
